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The other night, I had to explain to my 12-year-old son, that his buddy Andrew is no longer alive. For the first time in the 12 years of his life, he saw his father cry.
The second he saw me crying, he began to cry and ran over to me giving me a huge hug. He was touching my face and telling me to laugh and smile and all is ok.
My son was Comforting me, his father, as that is my job to do for him.
He asked me, “Why would Andrew do that to himself?” “Didn’t he see the great person he is?” The wisdom of kids is remarkable.
I always loved hearing Andrew talk to my son Solomon on the phone, as he would always tell Solomon he was going to come over and beat him in XBOX hockey. He loved Solomon and always made him feel special while at the same time making him laugh.
I met Andrew years ago when he was 8 or 9 years old. Over the years, we became very close. Many years ago, I went through an emotionally taxing divorce, Andrew was right by my side.
He consistently called me and visited me always getting me to look at the bright side of life. Always joking with me. Always telling me how special I was. Always trying to make me smile and see the goodness within.
It would be years later, where I would get to return the favor. Andrew himself, was in a toxic relationship and needed some support.
He had been sharing information about his relationship and asked me what I thought he should do.
I pulled no punches and told him first to leave the relationship and second, more importantly, to work on loving himself, because until he loved himself, he would be unable to find the love he was searching for.
Andrew on the exterior was perfect. His body was built to a perfection. He drove the perfect car. He had the perfect house, he had the perfect watch. He built an amazingly successful business. He was charming and a great conversationalist with others.
However, inside of Andrew lived a world of imperfection and unhappiness, that he yearned so hard to heal.
There were not many people who knew this about Andrew. He was extremely well practiced in concealing this. In this room, today, there are a select few, all know who they are, that understood the Andrew that was in pain and suffering, especially in the last couple of years.
This core group of people, myself included, spoke to Andrew daily over the last year and a half or so. We listened, gave advice, got frustrated, got angry…why?
Because we could so clearly saw the answer to Andrew’s problem, but his brain was not allowing him to see it.
Andrew in business was an unbelievable success, pretty much retired at such an early age. He had an amazing skill to see something he wanted, work unbelievably hard, and achieve all of his goals.
He tried to apply this same principle to his internal feelings. What he didn’t realize is that we are not a business and can’t approach our lives in the same manner.
He wanted happiness and peace searching everywhere to find it. He tried multiple therapists, coaches, meditation, hypnosis, medication, he was looking for the EXTERNAL magic pill that would somehow free him inside.
Unfortunately, no such pill exists.
We, the core group in this room, would tell him, “Andrew, you have to love yourself. You have to be kind to yourself. Give to yourself the love you so deeply yearn for.” He just couldn’t do it. He tried so hard but couldn’t get there.
In fact, only a couple weeks ago, he sent me the following Text Message. I believe this text message, looking back on it now, was his way of saying thank you and making sure I did not blame myself for his death.
His text read: “You were always right about me my friend, thanks for all you’ve done. You were right about all your guidance and advice. I just was never strong enough to absorb and let this information in.”
Texting me, even during the toughest moments in his life, literally a couple weeks before his death, he was still putting the feelings of others before his own.
He cared so much about his friends and family. He loved helping others so much and making sure they were ok, even at his own expense.
A little more than a year ago, Andrew told me, “Mike you have to download this mediation app, it is amazing.” Now people tell me to download apps all the time and usually, they never get downloaded.
However, Andrew insisted, as he knew I was mediating. So I downloaded it, and completely out of the blue…..or maybe something more divine, a beautiful young lady reached out to me and now we have been together for more than a year and quite frankly, she is my soulmate.
Without Andrew making this suggestion, my life would be completely different. By the way, Andrew, even up until a week and a half ago, reminded me to send him the check for his services rendered for our introduction.
Thankfully, one month ago, when Andrew was here from Florida, they had the opportunity to finally meet in person and he reminded her at least three times, that the check can be made payable to him.
When Nancy, Andrew’s sister-in-law, called me and gave me the news of Andrew’s death, I slumped down to the floor and just kept repeating no, no, no. A piece of my heart is forever filled with sadness knowing I will never see Andrew again.
I am hoping Andrew is here, right now, watching us all memorialize his life.
Andrew, I would like to give you the following message:
Andrew, you had all the answers to life right inside of you. You had all the love you were searching for, right inside of you. You were such a beautiful soul, with a kind and loving heart. I will miss you so much.
I tried so hard to get you to see how special you were inside. I tried so hard to get you to see you could do it, you could fix the pain inside. Andrew, thank you for being you.
Even though you couldn’t see it, you were perfect just the way you were. Listen to me when I say this, YOU WERE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. I pray, from the bottom of my heart, you have found your peace and
happiness. I forgive you for causing such sadness in my life. I love you with all of my heart.
Thank you for being a best friend and thank you for teaching me all the life lessons through your beautiful actions. You are finally home now my friend. May your soul be blessed forever.
My brother from another mother, Andrew.
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