The TFAR Method: Why You Keep Getting the Same Results

Why Patterns Keep Repeating

Have you ever noticed that there are certain things in your life that just seem to keep happening over and over again? Maybe you keep putting off something you know you should be doing. Maybe you set a goal, get really excited about it, and then a few weeks later you find yourself right back where you started. Maybe there's a particular conversation you've been avoiding, or a situation that always seems to bring out the same reaction in you. And you know what's funny? Most of the time, we know exactly what we should be doing differently. We don't need another book to tell us. We don't need another seminar or somebody giving us a motivational speech. We already know. And yet, for some reason, we keep doing the same things and getting the same results. Have you ever wondered why that happens? Because I think if we can begin understanding that, we can make some pretty wonderful changes in our lives. That's what I want to talk with you about today. It's something I teach in my coaching, and it's called the TFAR method. Those four letters stand for thoughts, feelings, actions, and results. And I want you to stay with me on this, because even though it sounds incredibly simple, I believe understanding how these four things work together can change the way you look at almost everything you're doing. We're going to talk about why we sometimes struggle to do the very things we know we should do, why certain situations bring out the same emotions in us, and how we can begin changing those patterns. And I don't want this to be one of those episodes where you listen, think it sounds wonderful, and then go right back to doing everything exactly the same way. I want you to find something in your own life that you can begin looking at differently today. Let me begin by asking you a question. When something isn't going the way you want it to go, what's the first thing you usually try to change? Think about that. Maybe you're not getting the results you want at work, so you decide you're going to work harder. Maybe you're not exercising consistently, so you tell yourself you need more discipline. Maybe you're having trouble in a relationship, so you decide the other person needs to behave differently. Or maybe you're not making the kind of money you'd like to make, so you begin looking for a better strategy. And sometimes those things really do need attention. There's nothing wrong with learning a better strategy or becoming more disciplined. But what if there's something happening before the action that we're completely overlooking? What if the reason we're not doing what we know we should do has something to do with the way we're thinking and feeling before we ever take that action? Let me explain what I mean.

Why Discipline Might Not Be It

Imagine somebody who wants to become more successful in their career. They know that one of the things they need to do is reach out to people, have conversations, and create opportunities. They've got the knowledge, they've got the skills, they've probably attended all kinds of training programs. But every morning, when it's time to pick up the phone, they find something else to do. They check their email, they organize their desk, they look at a report, they convince themselves they need to prepare a little more. And before they know it, half the morning is gone. Now, if you ask that person why they weren't making the calls, they might say, I just need to be more disciplined. And maybe that's what they've been telling themselves for years. But I want to ask you something. What if discipline isn't the real issue? What if there's a thought going through their mind? Something like, these people probably don't want to hear from me? Or I'm going to bother them? Or what if they reject me? And what if that thought is creating a feeling that makes picking up the phone uncomfortable? Now we're getting somewhere, aren't we? Because if somebody believes they're about to bother another person, how do you think they're going to feel about making that call? Probably uncomfortable, maybe a little anxious, maybe hesitant. And when you're feeling that way, what's the easiest thing to do? Put it off. Find something else to work on. Convince yourself you'll do it later. And what's the result? You don't have the conversation. You don't create the opportunity, and you don't get the result you were hoping for. But look at where it all began. It didn't begin with the phone call, it began with a thought. And that's the whole idea behind TFAR. A thought influences a feeling. That feeling influences the action we take or the action we avoid. And our actions contribute to the results we experience. Now, I want to make something clear. I'm not suggesting that every result in life is caused by a thought. There are things that happen that are completely outside our control. Other people make decisions, circumstances change, unexpected things happen. But I do believe that when we're looking at our own repeated patterns of behavior, this is an incredibly useful place to begin. Because even when we can't control everything that's happening around us, we can often begin changing the way we're interpreting a situation and how we respond to it. And sometimes that makes an enormous difference.

Same Words Different Emotional Meaning

Think about how quickly a thought can influence the way you feel. Imagine you're sitting at home one evening, having a perfectly nice time, and you get a message from somebody that simply says, We need to talk. That's it. Four little words. Now, what happens in your mind? Maybe you immediately think, oh boy, what did I do? Is something wrong? Are they upset with me? And suddenly you don't feel quite as relaxed as you did 30 seconds ago. Your stomach might tighten, you might begin feeling nervous. You start thinking about conversations you've had with that person, trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong, and you haven't even spoken to them yet. But imagine that the very same message comes from somebody who's been working with you on a wonderful opportunity. You see those words, we need to talk. And your first thought is, oh, maybe they've got some great news. Now how do you feel? Probably excited, curious, maybe even a little impatient to hear what they have to say. Isn't that something? The message was exactly the same. The words didn't change, but the meaning you gave those words changed the way you felt. And depending on how you felt, you might respond very differently. You might pick up the phone with enthusiasm, or you might avoid calling because you're worried about what you're going to hear. And that's why I think we need to become more aware of the thoughts we're accepting as true. Because sometimes we treat our first interpretation of something as though it's a fact. We don't stop to question it. We just believe it, and then we begin reacting to it. Maybe somebody walks past you at work without saying hello. You think, they're upset with me. Now you feel uncomfortable around them. You become a little distant. Maybe you avoid them for the rest of the day. And later you discover they were distracted because something was happening in their personal life. They weren't upset with you at all. But look at everything that happened because of the meaning you gave that one little moment. I think we do this in relationships all the time. Maybe your spouse comes home and seems a little quiet. You could think, they've had a long day, maybe they need a little time to relax. Or you could think, they're upset with me. I must have done something wrong. Now, depending on which thought you accept, you're probably going to feel differently. And depending on how you feel, you're probably going to behave differently. Maybe you become defensive. Maybe you start asking what's wrong in a frustrated tone. Maybe you withdraw because you're feeling hurt. And before you know it, you've got a disagreement that might never have happened if you'd approached the situation with a different thought. Now, wouldn't it be wonderful if we could begin catching some of those thoughts before they turn into feelings and actions that create problems we never intended to create? Because that's really where I want us to begin paying attention. Not simply to what we're doing, but to what's going on inside us before we do it.

Old Stories That Feel Like Truth

And I think one of the reasons this can be difficult is because so many of our thoughts are familiar. We've been thinking them for years. Maybe we learned them when we were growing up. Maybe they came from experiences we had in school, things people said to us, or conclusions we made about ourselves after something didn't go the way we wanted. And after a while, we don't even recognize them as thoughts anymore. They just seem like the truth. Somebody says, I'm terrible with money. Somebody else says, I've never been good at meeting new people. Or I'm not the kind of person who can speak in front of a group. And when they say those things, they don't usually stop and ask themselves whether they're actually true. They've said them so many times that they've become part of the way they see themselves. I want you to think about something you've been telling yourself for a long time. Maybe it's something about your personality, your abilities, your relationships, or what you're capable of accomplishing. And ask yourself, where did that idea come from? Did you make a decision years ago that you've never questioned since? Did somebody say something to you that you accepted as the truth? Did you have one disappointing experience and decide that it meant you weren't good at something? Because I think sometimes we continue living according to conclusions we made a long time ago, even though we've grown, learned, and become much more capable since then. Imagine somebody who tried speaking in front of their class when they were 12 years old. They were nervous, they forgot what they wanted to say, and a couple of kids laughed. Now, that was probably a pretty uncomfortable experience for a 12-year-old. But what if that person decided right then and there, I'm terrible at speaking in front of people? And what if they carried that belief into adulthood? Now they're 45 years old, they've got a successful career, they've learned an incredible amount, and they have wonderful ideas to share. But whenever somebody asks them to speak in front of a group, that old feeling comes back. They say, Oh no, I'm not good at that. And maybe they turn down opportunities they would actually enjoy if they gave themselves a chance to develop the skill. Now think about that. An experience that happened more than 30 years ago could still be influencing a decision they're making today. Not because they're incapable of speaking, but because they've been carrying around a belief about themselves that they haven't questioned. And I think that's something we can all relate to in one way or another. We have these familiar stories about who we are, what we're good at, what we're not good at, and what we should or shouldn't attempt. And sometimes those stories become the very things that keep us from growing. This is where the subconscious mind comes into the conversation. If you listen to our episode on Joseph Murphy's book, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, you'll remember that we talked about how repeated beliefs and patterns of thinking can influence the way we behave. And I think that connects beautifully with what we're discussing today. We don't consciously examine every thought we have. A lot of our reactions happen quickly, almost automatically. We encounter a situation, we give it a familiar meaning, we experience a feeling, and we respond. And because it happens so quickly, we often notice only the result. We don't see the entire chain that led us there. And that brings me to something I want you to think about. How often do we try to fix a result without understanding the pattern that keeps creating it? Maybe somebody wants to lose weight, so they begin another diet. Maybe somebody wants to earn more money, so they look for another sales technique. Maybe somebody wants to improve a relationship, so they keep trying to convince the other person to change. And sometimes those approaches help. But if the same pattern keeps returning, wouldn't it make sense to look a little deeper?

Health Habits And Self Talk Loops

Let's take the example of somebody who wants to become healthier. They know what they want. They want to exercise consistently, eat better, and have more energy. And maybe they've tried starting a workout routine five or six different times. Every time they get excited for a few days, but eventually they stop. And they tell themselves, I just don't have any discipline. Now, imagine what happens when it's time to exercise, and their first thought is, I hate working out. I'm never going to stick with this anyway. How do you think that makes them feel? Probably discouraged before they've even started. And when you're feeling discouraged, how easy is it to talk yourself into skipping the workout? Pretty easy, right? So they skip it. Then they feel disappointed in themselves, which reinforces the original belief that they have no discipline, and the cycle begins all over again. But what if they began with a different thought? What if they said, I don't have to become an athlete overnight? I'm learning to take better care of myself and I can begin with 10 minutes today. Now, how might that make them feel? Maybe a little more hopeful, maybe less overwhelmed. And because the feeling is different, taking that first small action becomes a little easier. They go for a walk. They feel good about following through. And that gives them a little more confidence to do it again tomorrow. Do you see how the chain can begin moving in a different direction? We're not pretending that one positive thought guarantees success. We're changing the way we approach the situation so that a better action becomes more likely. And I think that last part is incredibly important because sometimes people misunderstand the power of thought. They hear somebody talk about thinking differently, and they assume it means sitting around thinking wonderful thoughts and waiting for everything to change. That's not what I'm talking about. We still have to take action. We still have to learn, practice, make decisions, and follow through. But the way we think can influence how we feel about taking those actions. And if we can begin changing the thoughts that are making certain actions feel so difficult, we may find that doing what we already know we should do becomes a whole lot easier.

Money Conversations And Worth

Let me give you another example, and this one involves money. Imagine somebody who's always felt uncomfortable asking to be paid what their work is worth. Maybe they own a business, provide a service, or work in a profession where they need to discuss fees with clients. They know they're good at what they do. They know they provide real value. But whenever it's time to talk about money, they begin feeling uncomfortable. Maybe they think they're going to think I'm charging too much. Or what if they can't afford it? Or I don't want them to think I'm greedy. Now, what happens to the conversation when somebody is feeling that way? Maybe they apologize for their fee before the other person even responds. Maybe they offer a discount nobody asked for. Maybe they rush through the explanation because they're uncomfortable talking about it. And then what happens? They may earn less than they could have earned, or they may fail to communicate the value of what they're offering. And afterward, they tell themselves, see, people don't want to pay what I'm worth. But what if the problem wasn't simply the price? What if part of the problem was the thought they brought into the conversation? What if they began thinking, I provide a valuable service, and it's perfectly reasonable to have an honest conversation about what it costs? Wouldn't that create a different feeling? And wouldn't that feeling make it easier to explain the value of their work calmly and confidently? Now, the other person may still decide not to move forward. That's their decision, and we have to respect that. But at least we're giving ourselves the opportunity to have a genuine conversation instead of allowing our own discomfort to determine how we behave. And I think that's something that applies to so many areas of life. Sometimes the obstacle isn't that we don't have the ability, it's that we've developed a way of thinking that makes using that ability uncomfortable. And because the feeling is uncomfortable, we avoid the action. Then the result reinforces the original thought and we find ourselves right back where we started. Now, there's something I want to point out about feelings, because I think we sometimes misunderstand their role in our lives. Feelings aren't bad. Fear isn't bad. Nervousness isn't bad. Disappointment isn't bad. They're part of being human. And I don't think we should spend our lives trying to eliminate every uncomfortable emotion. Sometimes fear is giving us useful information. Sometimes sadness tells us that something matters deeply to us. Sometimes frustration helps us recognize that something needs attention. But I do think it's valuable to ask what thought might be contributing to a feeling, especially when that feeling keeps showing up in the same situations. Because sometimes the feeling is based on a conclusion that isn't necessarily accurate. Maybe we feel rejected because somebody didn't return a phone call. But does that automatically mean they rejected us? Maybe they're busy. Maybe they forgot. Maybe they've got something happening in their life that we know nothing about. And if we can begin recognizing that there may be more than one way to interpret a situation, we give ourselves a little more freedom in how we respond.

TFAR For Leadership And Teams

And I want to bring this into the world of leadership for a moment. Imagine you're responsible for a team, and one of the people you work with isn't getting the results you know they're capable of achieving. Now, what's your first thought? Maybe it's they're not working hard enough. And if that's what you're thinking, how might you feel? Frustrated, impatient, maybe even angry? And how might you behave? You might begin pushing harder, putting more pressure on them, or telling them everything they need to do differently. But what if you began with a different thought? What if you said to yourself, I wonder what's getting in the way? Maybe there's something happening that I don't understand yet. Now, how might you feel? Probably a little more curious, a little more patient, and how might you approach the conversation? Maybe instead of beginning with criticism, you begin with a question. What's been getting in the way lately? What part of this has been difficult for you? And suddenly you may learn something that you never would have discovered if you'd simply assumed the person wasn't trying hard enough. Now, maybe they really do need to put in more effort. Maybe they need additional training. Maybe there's a performance issue that needs to be addressed. But by changing your initial thought, you've given yourself an opportunity to understand the situation before deciding what to do. And I think that's a wonderful example of how TFAR can help us become better leaders, better communicators, and better people to work with. And the same thing applies when we're dealing with our children, our spouses, our friends, and just about everybody else in our lives. Because so much of the way we interact with people is influenced by the meaning we're giving their behavior. And sometimes that meaning is accurate and sometimes it isn't. But if we never stop to question it, we may end up reacting to a story we've created in our own minds rather than what's actually happening.

Work Backward From A Result

Now, I want to show you how you can begin using this in your own life, because this is where I think it becomes especially valuable. And we're going to do something a little different. Instead of starting with a thought and moving forward, we're going to start with a result you're experiencing and work our way backward. Because most of the time, the result is what we're already aware of. We know we're not exercising. We know we're avoiding a conversation. We know we're not following through on something important. So let's begin there. I want you to think about one result in your life that you genuinely like to change. And I don't want you to choose 10 things, just one. Maybe it's something you've been struggling with for a while. Maybe it's something you've almost accepted as part of who you are. It could be a habit, a relationship, something happening in your work, or a goal you've been putting off. Whatever it is, just choose one result that matters to you. Now, ask yourself: what am I doing or not doing that's contributing to this result? And be honest with yourself. This isn't about blaming yourself or making yourself feel bad. It's simply about understanding the pattern. Maybe you're not making the calls. Maybe you're not exercising. Maybe you're avoiding a difficult conversation. Maybe you're spending more money than you intended. Whatever it is, identify the action. Then ask yourself, how do I usually feel right before I take that action? Or right before I avoid it? Maybe you feel nervous. Maybe you feel overwhelmed. Maybe you feel discouraged. Maybe you feel uncomfortable or worried about what somebody else is going to think. Try to identify the feeling as clearly as you can. And then we get to the part I really want you to pay attention to. Ask yourself, what am I thinking that's contributing to that feeling? What's the sentence running through my mind? Not what I think I should be thinking. Not what sounds impressive. What's the thought that's actually there? Maybe it's I'm probably going to fail. Maybe it's they're going to think I'm bothering them. Maybe it's I'm not good enough. Or maybe it's something as simple as, this is going to be really difficult and I don't feel like dealing with it. Now, when you begin identifying that thought, something wonderful becomes possible. You can start questioning it. You can ask yourself, is this actually true? Is there another way to look at this? Is this thought helping me become the person I want to be? And what might be a more useful, more accurate thought that I could begin practicing instead? I want to emphasize something here. I'm not suggesting that you replace every uncomfortable thought with some wonderful statement that you don't believe. If somebody is struggling financially, telling themselves they're incredibly wealthy when they know they're not probably isn't going to help very much. And if somebody is nervous about public speaking, telling themselves they're the greatest speaker in the world may feel completely ridiculous. But what if they began with a thought they could actually believe? Something like, I can learn to become more comfortable speaking in front of people, or I can prepare for this conversation and do the best I can. Or I don't need everybody to approve of me in order to take this step. Those thoughts may not sound particularly dramatic, but I think they're much more useful because they give us something we can actually work with. And as we begin taking action from that different way of thinking, we can develop new experiences that help reinforce the belief. Let's go back to the person who's been avoiding phone calls. Their original thought was, I'm bothering people. That thought made them feel uncomfortable. The discomfort led them to avoid making calls, and the result was that they weren't creating the opportunities they wanted. Now, what if they began with a different thought? Maybe something like, I have something valuable to offer, and it's okay to give people the opportunity to decide whether they're interested. Isn't that a much more comfortable way to approach the conversation? They're not assuming everybody wants what they have. They're not trying to force somebody to do something. They're simply recognizing that they can reach out respectfully, have a conversation, and allow the other person to make their own decision. And if they begin believing that thought, how might they feel? Maybe more comfortable, more curious, maybe even a little excited about the possibility of helping somebody. And what action becomes easier? Picking up the phone, having the conversation, asking a question, listening to the answer. And over time, those actions may create better opportunities and better results. Now, I want you to notice something. We didn't begin by telling that person to make a hundred more calls. We began by looking at the thought that was making the calls uncomfortable in the first place. And I think that's an important distinction. Because sometimes we keep trying to force ourselves to do things without ever understanding why we're resisting them. And then we become frustrated with ourselves when we don't follow through. But what if we approached ourselves with a little more curiosity? Instead of saying, What's wrong with me? Why can't I just do this? What if we asked, what am I believing about this situation that's making it so uncomfortable? That's a very different question. And I think it can lead to a much more useful answer. Now, here's something else I want you to understand. Just because you identify a thought and decide to change it doesn't mean the old thought is going to disappear overnight. If you've been thinking something for 20 years, there's a pretty good chance it's going to show up again tomorrow. And that's okay. You're not trying to win some kind of battle with your mind. You're simply learning to recognize an old pattern and practice a different response. Think about learning any new skill. If you've been doing something a certain way for years and somebody shows you a better way, you don't necessarily become an expert the first time you try it. You practice, you make mistakes, you catch yourself going back to the old way, and then you practice again. Well, I think we can approach our thinking in much the same

Rehearse A New Thought Daily

way. And that's why, in the TFAR method, I encourage people to spend a little time every day rehearsing a new thought. You might take five minutes in the morning and five minutes in the evening for 30 days and work with one specific belief you're trying to change. Not 20 beliefs, just one. You identify the old thought, you choose a more accurate and helpful one, and you spend a few minutes imagining what it would look like to live from that new thought. How would you feel? What would you do differently? How would you approach the situation the next time it comes up? And then, when the opportunity arrives, you practice taking the action. Because the real purpose isn't simply to feel better for five minutes. It's to begin changing what you do in your everyday life. Maybe you want to become more confident. Well, don't just imagine yourself being confident. Look for an opportunity to practice doing something that requires a little confidence. Maybe you want to become more patient. Don't simply tell yourself you're patient. Practice responding a little more thoughtfully the next time something frustrates you. Maybe you want to become more disciplined. Choose one small commitment and begin following through on it consistently. And I think something important begins happening when we do that. We start giving ourselves evidence that a different way of being is possible. We're no longer simply hoping that someday we'll become a different person. We're beginning to experience ourselves behaving differently. And that can help us develop a different belief about who we are. Now, I want to connect this with something we've discussed in our recent episodes. In Atomic Habits, James Clear talks about how the little things we do consistently can shape our identity over time. And I think that fits beautifully with TFAR. Because we're not simply trying to force a new action. We're working on the thought and feeling that make the action more natural. And then we're practicing the action until it becomes more familiar. And if you listen to our episode about being your authentic self, you'll remember that we talked about how exhausting it can be to spend our lives pretending to be somebody we're not. Well, I think there's a connection there too. Because sometimes the thoughts that keep us stuck are thoughts about what other people are going to think of us. We worry about being judged. We worry about disappointing people. We worry about making mistakes or looking foolish. And those thoughts create feelings that influence how we behave. Maybe we don't speak up in a meeting because we're afraid somebody will disagree with us. Maybe we say yes when we really want to say no. Maybe we avoid trying something new because we're worried about embarrassing ourselves. And then we wonder why we're not living the life we really want to live. But what if we began with a thought like, I can be kind and respectful without needing everybody to agree with me? Or it's okay for me to learn something new and make mistakes along the way. Or I don't have to impress everybody. I just need to be myself and do the best I can. Imagine how much more comfortable we might become in situations that used to make us nervous. And I want to share something else that I think is especially important. Sometimes we can begin changing a thought simply by recognizing that we don't actually know what another person is thinking. How often do we assume we know what somebody thinks about us? We say, they probably think I'm not very good at this, or they must be upset with me, or they're going to think I'm foolish. But how do we know? Have they told us that? Or are we simply imagining it? And even if somebody does have an opinion about us, does that opinion have to determine what we do? Of course not. We can listen to feedback, learn from people, and be respectful of their feelings without allowing every opinion to become a judgment about our worth. I think there's an enormous amount of freedom in that. Now, I want to bring us back to something very simple, because I don't want you to feel like you need to spend every waking moment analyzing your thoughts. That would be exhausting, and it's certainly not what I'm suggesting. We have thousands of thoughts throughout our days, and we don't need to stop and examine every one of them. But when you notice a result that keeps showing up in your life, especially a result you're not happy with, I want you to become curious about the pattern that may be contributing to it. Ask yourself, what am I doing? How am I feeling? And what am I thinking? Those three questions can give you a starting point. And I also want you to remember that sometimes the action needs to come before the feeling changes. You don't always have to wait until you feel completely confident to do something. You can feel nervous and still take a small step. You can feel uncertain and still have a thoughtful conversation. You can feel uncomfortable and still do something important. In fact, sometimes taking that action is part of what helps you develop a different belief about yourself. So TFAR isn't about waiting until every thought is positive and every feeling is wonderful before you begin living your life. It's about understanding how your thoughts, feelings, and actions influence one another and becoming more intentional about the patterns you're creating.

Act Even When You Feel Nervous

And I think that can make a tremendous difference in how we approach challenges. Imagine somebody who's had a disappointing week at work. Maybe several opportunities didn't work out. Maybe they didn't accomplish what they'd hoped to accomplish. And now they're thinking, nothing ever works out for me. Well, how do you think they're going to feel when Monday morning comes around? Probably discouraged, maybe frustrated. And how might that influence what they do? They may put in less effort, avoid difficult tasks, or approach opportunities with very little enthusiasm. But what if they began with a different thought? What if they said, last week didn't go the way I wanted, but I can learn from it and make a better plan for this week? Now, that doesn't erase the disappointment. It doesn't pretend that everything went wonderfully. It simply gives them a way to move forward. And isn't that what we want? We want to be able to experience challenges without allowing every challenge to become a permanent statement about who we are or what's possible for us. I think about how often people say, that's just the way I am. Maybe they're describing a habit, a reaction, or something they've struggled with for years. And sometimes they say it almost as though there's nothing they can do about it. But I wonder how many of those things are truly permanent, and how many are simply patterns they've repeated for a long time. Maybe you've always been quick to become frustrated. Maybe you've always avoided difficult conversations. Maybe you've always felt uncomfortable asking for what you want. Does that mean you have to continue responding that way for the rest of your life? I don't believe it does. I believe we can learn, we can grow, we can become more aware of the way we're thinking and begin practicing different responses. And over time, some of those responses can become more natural. Now, does that mean we're going to get every result we want? No, of course not. We're still going to face disappointments. Other people are still going to make decisions we don't agree with. Life is still going to surprise us. But I think we can become better at responding to those experiences. And we can begin changing some of the patterns that have been keeping us from doing the things we genuinely want to do. And I think that's a wonderful reason to learn this. So here's what I'd love for you to do after listening to today's episode. I want you to take a few minutes, maybe with a notebook and a pen, and think about one result in your life that you'd like to change. Write it down. Then ask yourself what action or lack of action has been contributing to that result. Write that down too. Then think about how you usually feel right before that action. And finally, see if you can identify the thought that's contributing to that feeling. Don't rush through it. And don't write down what you think sounds good. Be honest with yourself. Because sometimes the most important thought we need to recognize is one that seems so ordinary we've never bothered to question it. Then ask yourself what a more useful thought might be. Something you can genuinely believe. Something that gives you a different way to approach the situation. And for the next 30 days, spend a few minutes each morning and evening practicing that new way of thinking. Picture yourself responding differently. Imagine how you'd like to feel and what you'd like to do. And most importantly, look for opportunities to put that new thought into action. Maybe you won't see an enormous difference tomorrow. That's okay. We're not trying to create some overnight miracle. We're working on a pattern that may have been part of your life for years. And I think there's something very encouraging about knowing that you can begin doing that. Because when you look at a result you're unhappy with, it's easy to feel discouraged. It's easy to think, well, this is just how things are. But when you begin looking at the pattern that contributes to that result, you may discover that there are things you can actually begin changing. And that's where I think the real opportunity is.

Key Takeaways And TFAR Worksheet

You know, when I look back at all the wonderful books and ideas we've discussed on this podcast, so many of them connect to this simple principle. Joseph Murphy talks about the beliefs we accept. Napoleon Hill talks about auto-suggestion and the influence of our thoughts. Maxwell Maltz writes about self-image. James Clear shows us how repeated actions become habits. And what I love about TFAR is that it gives us a simple way to bring those ideas together and begin recognizing how they show up in our everyday lives. Because we can study all the wonderful principles in the world, but if we don't recognize how they're influencing us personally, they remain interesting ideas instead of becoming something we can actually use. And I want you to be able to use them. I want you to begin noticing the moment when a thought creates a feeling that makes you want to avoid something important. I want you to recognize when you're interpreting somebody else's behavior in a way that may not be accurate. I want you to become aware of the old stories you've been telling yourself about what you're capable of doing. And when you notice those things, I want you to remember that you have an opportunity to respond differently. Not perfectly, not every single time, but a little more intentionally. Because I believe that when we begin changing the way we think about ourselves and the situations we encounter, we can begin changing the way we feel. And when the way we feel begins changing, different actions may become easier. And when we begin taking different actions consistently, we give ourselves an opportunity to experience different results. That's the TFAR method. Thoughts, feelings, actions, results. Four simple words. But I think there's an awful lot of value in understanding how they work together. And I want to leave you with one question. What's one result in your life that you've been trying to change by working harder, pushing yourself, or telling yourself you need more discipline? And what if, just for a moment, you stopped looking at the result and began looking at the thought that's been contributing to it? Maybe there's something you've been believing about yourself that simply isn't true anymore. Maybe there's an opportunity you've been avoiding because of a story you've been telling yourself. Or maybe there's a different way of looking at a situation that would make taking the next step feel a whole lot easier. I don't know what that might be for you, but I think it's worth finding out. And if you want some help working through it, I've put together a complimentary TFAR worksheet on my coaching website, Michaelfoxcoach.com. It walks you through the four links and helps you identify a thought you can begin working on. You can take your time with it, write down your answers, and begin practicing a different approach. Because I don't want you to simply remember four letters after listening to this episode. I want you to begin recognizing how those four letters show up in your own life. And the next time you catch yourself saying, Why do I keep doing this? I know better. Maybe you'll stop and ask a different question. What am I thinking that's making this feel so difficult? And maybe that question will help you discover something about yourself that you hadn't recognized before. I think that would be a pretty wonderful outcome from our time together today. So remember, you don't have to change everything overnight. You don't have to become a completely different person. And you certainly don't have to spend the rest of your life fighting the same old patterns without understanding where they're coming from. You can begin by becoming a little more aware of what you're thinking, how you're feeling, and what you're doing. And when you find a pattern that isn't helping you, you can begin practicing a different one. One thought, one feeling, one action at a time. And who knows what kind of difference that might make in your life? Because sometimes the change we've been looking for doesn't begin with doing more. Sometimes it begins with thinking differently about what we're already trying to do. And wouldn't it be wonderful if something that has felt difficult for years began feeling a little easier simply because you finally understood what was getting in the way?